Within the philosophical inquiries of psychology, a relevant analogy to an individual's sense of self is via the symbol of the house. The house contains within its walls a reflection of its inhabitants psyche. It is a space for us to feel comfortable in, to function as a nucleus for our life and to protect us from the harsh elements of the external world. The self plays the same function, serving as an internal space to reflect on ourselves, our place in the world, feel comfortable in our own skin and defend against external trauma. However, much like the house, the self can have various levels of stability and security. Ideally, it is our home within ourselves to soothe ourselves and protect against trauma, criticism and failure. Sometimes however, the house can be in a state of disrepair, lacking a proper foundation, being filled with clutter, failing in structural integrity or having areas of neglect. An individual within this self will preserve more time and energy into various maintenance for structural repair and self-preservation. In some cases, the house can barely be called shelter at all, completely dilapidated in its structure and offering no shelter from the elements. With regard to the self, this is the territory of narcissistic personality disorder, a condition where self-affirmation and defense of the self-image becomes all encompassing.
For the proper building and maintenance of a house, one must possess the proper skillsets to verify that the home is structurally sound and stable in its foundation. Similarly, a self is constructed via proper skillsets taught via stable and healthy caregivers who set examples of behavior, care for the child's individual needs and demonstrate that they are loved unconditionally. This allows the child to begin exploring the world and learning the skillsets of basic psychological function with healthy role models set as an example. This functions as a base for the grounding of the child's emerging self, which with time is constructed and if done right, gives the individual and internal psychological space that allows them to love themselves and which can be depended upon in difficult circumstances.
When the basis for the self is not adequately met, the foundations of the self do not allow for the formation of a stable and concrete blueprint. Such individuals place increasing time and energy in preserving a fragile self-esteem. To cope with this self-delapidation, they begin to invest into an artificial self-image which requires external validation from others. Increasingly concerned with the instabilities of the self, these individuals have less capacity to invest outwardly due to the constant preoccupations directed inwardly.
Narcissistic personality disorder is what occurs when this need for external validation for the affirmation of the self-image becomes all pervasive and compromises the personality. Individuals with this tendency can think of little else as they incessantly try to maintain a fragile, artificially inflated self image. Rather than putting energy into conducting structural repairs within their proper home, they present an artificial image of an aggrandized mansion. This is precisely where the grandiosity lies within narcissism. But as the dilapidated house exists behind this image, the grandiose perception is merely a compensation to ward off deep feelings of emptiness and inferiority. It is here that the narcissist lies, trying to coalesce between an artificially inflated image and a broken, vulnerable one. Just as a photo of a mansion may be two-dimensional and vulnerable to storms, the grandiose self-image is easily toppled down, giving way to the broken, true home beneath. In response, the narcissist will rapidly assert time into re-afferming the grandiose image, exaggerating it further in response to increased stress. The greater the burden in the narcissist's life, the more exaggerated this image becomes.
Because the narcissist becomes increasingly preoccupied with presenting this grandiose image, they can think of little else. Like a person who is starving, affirming this aggrandized image becomes of sole importance, preventing the narcissist from seeing others as anything more than one-dimensional instruments specifically for the purposes of validation. Rather than placing repairs into their true home, they present this two dimensional mansion, trying to convince others and themselves of its validity.
As can be expected, therapy for NPD is quite challenging and requires a great deal of effort and patience on the part of the therapist. However, the recently asserted notion that NPD is untreatable lies purely in myth. As the narcissist's internal home is structurally unsound, therapy for this disorder involves laying the foundation for the self and contributing repair to damaged and neglected areas. With time, the narcissist learns to construct their internal self-image, creating a comfortable internal environment for them to feel secure and accepting towards themselves. As such, less time and energy is required for the maintenance of the self-image, allowing the individual to invest more time and energy in their relationship with others.
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