Self-Schemas and Fiction: How One can be Many

 In the subject of psychology, it is of no surprise that an area of immense interest is on the subject of identity. Indeed, we seem to be the only organisms (that we are aware of) who possess a rich and ever-present sense of self. Debates still exist as to what the self pertains to, with various definitions and concepts being suggested since the days of philosophical antiquity. While this topic will be explored further in a future post, one thing worth mentioning is that virtually all definitions possess the ubiquitous characteristic of relating to the self-told story of one's memories and prior experiences. It seems that identity is the thread which connects all previous experiences and from which the narrative of self forms.

One thing peculiar, albeit paradoxical about the self is it's transfixed, ever present; and yet, fluid nature. The self is a concept by which the narrative that composes it is ever changing in flux with our experiences. More importantly, the self is not a unidimensional psychic structure. It is a structure that possesses various self-states and alternate points of identification. These are what are known as "self-schemas" various narratives that are attributed with the self concept.

To understand this better, think of yourself in various situations. While you may identify with various self-descriptions (e.g, I am extroverted; I am intellectual) these self-identifications and self-expressions may change depending on the circumstance. You may also be a wife, mother, daughter and friend simultaneously. Though these are all parts of the self-concept, the self-expression that leads from them will differ in various circumstances. For example, you will behave differently when entering the "wife" state than you will when taking the role of "daughter." This is not inauthenticity, but rather the fluidity of being a social animal. Indeed, failure to integrate these various self-states can lead to identity crises, rigidity of personality, overidentification with the persona, and even pathological states, such as dissociative identity disorder, where the various self-states are not integrated. 

Neurologically, we see this state as well. The brain, though a uniformed organ, possesses various different systems responsible for different functions and communicating interdependently to produce the totality of the central nervous system. Neuroscientist David Eaglemen refers to these as "automated zombie systems." Indeed, he states in his book "Incognito" "The more automated subsystems within a central nervous system, the more consciousness an organism is likely to possess." These automated systems are responsible for the vast majority of our behavior, why we are unaware of the majority of our actions and why we experience self-contrary states. For example, one may struggle with the temptation of eating a cookie in the present, or continue with the long-term goal of a healthy diet for the purpose of increased longevity. What decision will prevail depends on the intensity and level of connections of the various zombie systems present within the brain.

While this will be explored further in a future post, let us look at various pop-culture and religious example which represent this paradigm.

                                                          Virtue and Temptation

A trope common in fiction is that of the shoulder angel and devil, who represent a characters struggle between doing good and doing evil. A classic (albeit comedic) example is The Emperor's New Groove's "Kronk" who struggles with whether he will leave Cusko to die or whether he will save his life. The angel and devil represent various subsystems within Kronk's brain, while he, the conscious aspect of the nervous system, decides to listen to the subsystem that chose to do good. This scene comedically, albeit beautifully showcases the inner struggle between the different, intercommunicating "subpersonalities" of our minds. The brain interprets stimuli, the zombie subsystems "speak" to us, and we "decide" our continued course of action.

                                                            Multi-One

Several pop-culture references demonstrate the trope of various souls inside of one body. Mark 5:9 within the bible contains a passage of a demonically possessed man identifying himself as "legion, for we are many." Indeed, the concept of a soul, while usually seen as an abstract, incorporeal entity, is typically thought of as the fundamental essence of a person. Though modern science does not embrace the idea of a soul (as it is an untestable, albeit unfalsifiable hypothesis) several philosophers define the soul in a less dualistic and more psychologically consistent conception. For example, Soren Kierkegaard saw the soul and the self as virtually interchangable, seeing the psyche as a series of opposing relationships, and defining the self as "the relationship that relates itself to itself in relation to the relating." 

While I will cover the logic and philosophy of the self in a future post, for now let us examine fictional representations. A series much loved by the public (and of which I have skimmed recently) is that of Mortal Kombat. A king of the fighting genre of video games, Mortal Kombat possesses various references to souls, utilizing characters who possess powers of soul-theft, or of otherwise having their soul affected in some way.

Whilst various examples may be given, an interesting example is in the character of Shang Tsung. A dark sorcerer with a mastery of the black arts, Shang Tsung has gained the ability to claim the souls of fallen heroes who fail in Mortal Kombat. Though not attributed to his own "soul", the other souls are now at his mercy, forced to fight alongside him at his discretion, or for the sorcerer to access the form, personality and abilities of whichever soul of his choosing. As Raiden states within the 1995 film: "to face Shang Tsung is not to face one, but a legion of adversaries."

But of more relevance on our topic, another Mortal Kombat character who better reflects this concept is that of Ermac. To call Ermac a character is actually somewhat of a misnomer, as Ermac is not one person. Rather, "he" is thousands of souls all functioning in harmony inside of one ninja. His perceived powers are not mere sorcery, but the harmony of souls which function in unison, all contributing to the one identifying nomenclature that is Ermac. In fact, as "they" state in their self-introduction to Liu Kang within Mortal Kombat 9, "We are many. You are but one. We will destroy you."

In this example, the self-reference of "we" can logically be deduced to be more accurate than a simple "I." However, there are examples where the differentiation between "I" and "we" lies is not so clear cut. Indeed, Psychiatrist Carl Jung did not distinguish between the fundamental nature of the individual and the collective, seeing a difference only via perspective and categorical identification. Though many symbols may be used to explore this concept, let us examine a famous example that is upheld and believed by almost 2.3 billion people worldwide.

                                            The Christian Trinity: How Three Can Be One

If one examines the religious principles of Christianity, it's no mystery that a central doctrine is that of the trinity; the notion that God is in fact, three persons (The Father; The Son and The Holy Spirit) all of whom are united to compose one God, but who themselves are also each equally and one-hundred percent God. This is a central doctrine to Christianity to the point that non-trinitarian groups (such as Mormons or Jehovah's witnesses) are considered heretical. Various heresies, furthermore, about the trinity exist, such as partialism (the notion that the three persons are aspects, or "parts" of one God), modalism (the persons are three different aspects of God) or tritheism (the three persons are three Gods rather than one encompassing God). In fact, Christian canon is clear that the one God is equally God within the three persons, and that each of the three persons are equally one-hundred percent God, but that the three persons are separate from one another and interact.

But how can this be? How is it possible for an entity to be one and three simultaneously? A Christian often will argue that earthly attributes cannot be assigned to an eternal, infinitely complex entity such as God. While this is an understandable and sympathetic position, it may also be understood from a more naturalistic and archetypal perspective.

To begin with a brief archetypal perspective, a character of any story may exist within the attributes that are assigned to them via the story itself. Though magic is not scientifically thought to exist, it is capable of being utilized by Harry Potter, as he, within the confines of the laws of his world-narrative, is capable of utilizing magic. So how is it that God can manifest within three persons? Because that was the nature defined for him.

But to provide a perspective that may be more appealing to the believer, a remarkable essay written by Carl Jung outlines the archetype of the trinity, showing how three can be united into one. Note, this is different to the notion of a triad, in that three exist independently and individually. In a trinity, three distinct persons are united to form a wholistic unity in one. A One composed of Threeness, if you will. 

The formation of a trinity begins with one. In one, there is nothing outside of the grand whole. The one is the grand unity with nothing being found separate from it. It is the "mono" in the titular "monism". However, within the one, there is no reference point. As the one is the totality of all things, nothing is distinct from it or found outside of itself. As such, the one lacks a point of reference used for self-comparison. The only possibility for this is for there to be two, as with two, possibility begins to form and a point-of-reference becomes feasible. The problem with two lies precisely in this divisibility, as though possibility inquires itself through two, the resulting duality creates a separation within the one. The one desires to be a monistic unit again, as the existence of the two threatens the monism of the one. However, the desire to be one threatens the individuality of the two, who desires to remain separate from the one to retain its proper nature. So how does the one return to former holism while retaining the existence of the two? Via three. The third serves as a mediator linking the individual one and two, and in so doing forms a totality via which the three individuals serve united in the grand unification of the one. In so doing, the three serve as their own person, presenting with a unique individuality, identity and personhood, but in being defined by their relationship with the one, as these three distinctions serve as aspects of the one via there relationships and definition.

We see this dynamic play out in the trinity. God The Father is traditionally identified as the creator of the universe; the monistic reality that is looked to as the uncaused-cause, guide for mankind, and lover of all creation. However, father is a designation assigned via relationship. A father is only a father in that a child has been begotten of said father, as a father with no children (living or dead) is contrary to the definition. Thus, God the Father must be the father of something, who is identified as the second person of the trinity, God, The Son (Christ). The definition of these two persons is interdependent upon the relationship with the other. The Bible clarifies that though Jesus is the son of the Father, he equally is God in his divine nature, that is, he is equally eternal and infinite (while distinctly also being human) as is the father. Finally, God the Son is also eternally begotten of the Father, eternally emerging from the Father, thus being eternal himself and having no/infinite origin.

God the Son is the emerging duality that results from God the Father. He is God given human form and human nature, so that God may manifest an existence that is both divine and human. In so doing, the sacrifice of God the Son allows humans to bridge the gap between sin and salvation, and permits conquest of death via the grace of God. But the acquisition of human nature by God creates a fundamental distinction in God's totality; for humans are God's creation and not God himself. Thus, the emergence of God the Son as distinct from God the Father bridges this gap, and allows humanity to be rejoined with God through his grace.

While Father and Son are defined by their relationship to each other and united by their love for each other, a third person is involved in the unifying relationship of the two persons: God the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit functions as the intermediary between the relationship between God the Father and God the Son. He is the bridge by which the Father and Son, two distinct persons, are united within the totality of the Godhead, bringing unity to the trifecta relationship of the three persons that constitute the one transcendent God. Much as the Son is eternally begotten of the Father, the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and Son (in Catholic and Protestant denominations) or the Father alone (in Orthodox tradition). 

While the relationship of Son is a logical extension from Father, with Father also being defined via the begotten Son, it does not seem logical that "Holy Spirit" would be the proceeding third relationship from the first two. So what is the Holy Spirit? Well, Jung demonstrates that Holy Spirit, true to its ancient teachings, was seen as "breath" in it's nature, consistent with the representation of it (such as doves, smoke or fire). It's abstract nature is the result of it eternally being "breathed" by the Father (and perhaps the Son) who represents in said breath, the life of the first two persons of the trinity. In ancient times, life was seen as an independent, autonomous quality, existing within but separate from body or "corpus." It existed as its own agency and energy, entering a body at birth and leaving upon death. The Holy Spirit is precisely this life of God, being breathed eternally (and thus, not a procreation, as is the son) from the Father (and usually Son) unifying them in their relationship and shared life.

Next, it is worth noting the Jesus expressed his leaving of the Holy Spirit on earth precisely for the guidance and consolidation of humanity to God. While the Holy Spirit may be the eternally breathed life and intermediary between the Father and Son, It also functions as the intermediary between God and humanity through the sacrifice of Christ. While the Son was the source of unification of humans with God, the Holy Spirit functions as the guiding force for humans back to God (which Methodist Christians refer to as "the path.") and imbuing them with the sacrifice of the Son to be unified in heaven with the Oneness of the Father.

Thus, the three persons are defined as separate via the nature of their interdependent relationship to each other. God the Father (the one) in his love for, and desire to unite with his creations, separates his oneness through the distinct person, God the Son (the two), who is eternally begotten of the Father, to take on human form and die for the sins of humanity. Proceeding from this ever-present relationship is the third distinct person, God the Holy Spirit (the three), who eternally is "breathed" by (and thus proceeds from) the Father (/Son) and is the intermediary between the two, and the unification of the individualized separation of the Son from the Father.

A concrete analogy that may be useful is the concept of a relationship. A partner (boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse) by definition, is only a partner in-so-far as they are relating to someone else. Together, the two partners form the definition of a relationship, which constitutes the third, intermediate yet unifying force between the two partners. Though all three are their own independent construct, they are defined in-so-far as they relate to the other partner and relationship, and thus form the totality of the one relationship through their distinctness. For a relationship to be precisely that, it requires two partners and a unifying agreement between the two, forming one thing defined within the context of its threefold nature.

While defining the three persons as aspects of God falls into the heresy of modalism, I see no reason why the additional description of "aspect" within the trinity is of contradiction to its defined modality. While it is clear the three persons are distinct and independent, each with a separate identity, they are each God, contributing to and creating his all-encompassing nature. Thus, while each person is a different self, they each compose a different "state-of-being" to God and thus unite the one God via these three identities. As one identity is unconsciously constituted by an innumerable quantity of self-states, God is defined by three persons, constituting a personality proper, who each exhibit and independent existence yet are unified via essence and definition into the all-encompassing God. The result is three independent persons constituting a totality of one.

                                                            Inscryption and Self-Schemas

I would be remiss if I did not include Inscryption, as one of the central characters, Leshy, is extremely relevant to this paradigm. In the interest of keeping the story as spoiler free as possible, Leshy is the central antagonist when entering the games story; an entity always confining himself to the darkest corner of his cabin, almost never showing his face albeit via two staring eyes, and leaving the protagonist trapped in an endless cycle of playing Leshy's card game. Having a fondness for narrative, Leshy actively introjects storytelling within the context of the card game, absorbing the captive in a seemingly contradictory engaging lore to contrast with the seemingly dire situation. In summary, he functions as a dungeon master while the captive participates in Leshy's game.

Of particular interest to our topic are Leshy's masks. When participating in the game, Leshy dawns a variety of masks to represent different characters in the context of the story; the most notable of which are the three bosses: the prospector, the angler and the trapper/trader. Initially, these characters seem to be mere persona's; fictionalized antagonists used to tell a story. However, later in the story, we see that these characters actually exist. They are subservient to Leshy and assist in obtaining his ultimate goal (which for irrelevancy and spoilers, shall not be listed here). Though these characters exist independently of Leshy, we see that Leshy is not only their master, but that Leshy imitates the mannerisms and personality of these characters perfectly. While some may attune this to Leshy's skills as a game master, Inscryption fandom references that this is in fact Leshy becoming those characters.

Much like the characters we have discussed, the masked characters of Leshy are in fact aspects of the game master while simultaneously being independent from him.  In dawning the mask, Leshy assumes the identity of the character and is capable of permitting the character to speak via the attributed mask. While always Leshy, his self-state changing to permit the schema of his alter-ego's to come to the forefront, increasing the means by which the game is added to in it's overall atmosphere.

Symbolically, this is no different from our psychology in entering a self-state. Various subsystems of the central nervous system may come online, causing us to enter the state of "angry me", "happy me" or "aroused me" for example. We also dawn the mannerisms of the characters that we create. Anyone who has ever played an RPG has invested emotionally in the character they create. The character functions as an avatar, with which we imbue with self-schemas that we attribute to the character. In so doing, we mentally become the character for the duration of the game, much as our brain allows us to be "us" for the duration of our lives, such states allow us do dawn another persona,  or "self" through the use of our self-schemas, for these schemas form the overall narrative by which the self is identified.

                                                                Conclusion

Though automated subsystems and self-schema's are not synonymous, self-schemas may be seen via psychology as an abstract parallel to the multifaceted nature of our central nervous system. In attributing this to a Jungian theme, all listed examples may be seen as an archetype for this dynamic, which functions as an imperfect symbol for the purpose of understanding psychic realities. These subsystems function to assist us in our individuation and self-realization in everyday life. Be careful of the schemas by which you will identify yourself, for they could mean the different between self-mastery and self-destruction. Furthermore, these internal spirits are there for your benefit. Let them be your guide in your quest for self-authenticity.

Psilocybin: A Brief Overview

I do not condone the use of psilocybin, or any other substance. This post is merely for education and entertainment purposes.  

  As some of you may have observed, this blog is meant to explore the nature of reality and our position within it. In an attempt to do so, various philosophies have been pontificated to attempt to explain the purpose of our nature. In our attempt to understand ourselves, there is one tool that allows us to shine a light on our existence: consciousness. Consciousness is the ever-elusive, yet all present beam of focus for interpreting, perceiving and engaging with reality. It is, presumably, what allows us, at least in part, to construct our model of reality. You see, you do not live in reality. Your phenomenological experience of life is actually based on data that your brain has simulated into a predictable facsimile to help you engage in the world. The majority of sensory data is actually ignored by your brain as to avoid analysis-paralysis, with these details being "filled" to avoid a chasm of perception. Much like a computer, your sense organs send the "coded" sensory information to your brain, which, based on internal function of the brain, as well as previously held experience, simulates reality to create a "qualia" of experience.

    Much like a computer, there are several things that can disrupt the function the brain, and thus, alter the generated epiphenomena accordingly; be it injury, disease or substances. One of these substances, which interestingly has many benefits, is psilocybin. Psilocybin (4-phosphoryloxy-NN-dimethyltryptamine) is a tryptamine alkaloid found in over two-hundred species of mushrooms. While I plan to cover hallucinogens in general, as well as the phenomenology of their subjective effects, including psilocybin, this post will serve as a brief, albeit incomplete introduction to this remarkable molecule.

                                                                            Psilocybin

     As stated, psilocybin is found within hallucinogenic mushrooms, most potent of which are found within the genus psilocybe. Psilocybin, when ingested, is rapidly converted to psilocin (4-HO-DMT), via dephosphorylation mediated by alkaline phosphatase enzymes, making it the prodrug to psilocin. Both of these drugs are structural analogues to serotonin and are both organic tryptamine compounds.

    Though psilocybin is usually referenced as the important drug in question, it is psilocin that causes the effects. It is not currently known how said subjective effects are induced, however, it seems to be a non-selective partial agonist of all but the 5-HT3 receptor within the serotonin system. Psychedelic effects in particular are mediated by the 5-HT2a receptor, with activation of said receptors in layer V of the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) and its consequent glutamate release being especially implicated in the role of subjective effects in general. Though this is the central mechanism of action, the molecule also has agonistic effects on the 5-HT2b and 5-HT2c receptors. Implications of this are not yet known.

                                                            Subjective Effects

Psilocybin contains a wide variety of physical, cognitive, visual, auditory, multisensory and transpersonal effects. A list of specific effects can be found here. Several of these effects will be covered in a future post. Effects experienced may vary greatly between people. Set (internal state of mind) and setting (physical environment) play a significant role in subjective experience. Intensity of effects vary depending on the dosage. Though experienced differently for all consumers, the intensity of effects can generally be classified via 4 levels: microdose, threshold dose, psychoactive dose and the heroic dose. General effects to be expected include visual geometry, hallucinatory states, time distortion, euphoria, ego loss, enhanced introspection and critical thinking.

The phenomenology of the psilocybin trip has been described as "earthy", "dream-like" and "sedative" as opposed to psychedelics such as LSD and 2C-B which are said to be "bright" "cerebral" and "stimulating".

                                                      Adverse & Long-Term Effects

    Though psilocybin is physiologically very gentle on the body and is considered the least dangerous of all recreational drugs, adverse effects are always possible. The most common are panic reactions, especially if the molecule was consumed accidentally. Violence, suicidality, psychosis and convulsions are rare, but possible. Occasionally, psilocybin can induce depersonalization/derealization disorder; a dissociative disorder characterized by feelings of unreality, detachment from or unfamiliarity with one's sense of self/the environment, though this is also a rare reaction.

    Of particular concern are consumers with a predisposition or diagnosis of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or other mental illness leaving a vulnerability to psychosis. These mental illnesses are an exclusion factor for individuals that wish to participate in psilocybin assisted therapy. It is also recommended that individuals with these predispositions abstain from consuming psilocybin. Should the individual wish to continue, consultation with a medical professional is a necessity.

    If one consumes a dose they are not psychologically prepared for, traumatic recall of a negative experience, or "bad trips" are a possibility. Furthermore, hallucinogenic flashbacks, or hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (HPPD) is an extremely rare side effect.

If one desires to consume psilocybin, it is highly advised to use harm reduction practices before and when using this substances. Furthermore, one should verify the legal status of psilocybin within there country or state, as it is illegalized in the majority of countries.

                                                                        Potency

    The potency of psilocybin mushrooms depends on a variety of factors, including:

Species

Growth conditions

Harvesting period

Origin

Consumed fresh or dried

Note: One should not search for wild psilocybin mushrooms, unless possessing an advanced understanding of mycology. Toxic species can be virtually identical to the untrained eye, leading to illness or death if consumed. Gain your mushrooms from a trusted source, and always test your substance!

                                                                       Benefits

    Psilocybin has been used for over 8000 as an entheogen (natural medicine) in the majority of human cultures. Evidence dates back to over 6000 years ago via cave paintings found within Algeria and Spain.

Current research has found promising results for psilocybin in the treatment of treatment-resistant depression, end-of-life depression and existential anxiety. A study of 24 participants with severe depression revealed 17 experienced significant reduction in symptoms, with 13 of those experiencing complete remission after 4 weeks. Another study examined 29 subjects suffering from end-of-life anxiety due to terminal illness, with 58% experiencing immediate remission after a psilocybin trip, with this number increasing to 60-80% on a 6.5-month follow up. This is in contrast to only 14% experiencing remission with placebo.

    Psilocybin may also have a benefit in reduction of addiction. A study examined 15 problematic users of tobacco, with 12 of these (80%) experiencing a remission of addictive behavior after a 6 month follow up.

    While evidence is more limited, user reports suggest psilocybin may assist in treating other medical conditions, such as cluster headaches, and other mental illnesses including PTSD and OCD. While more research is needed, research demonstrates moderate success with such illnesses.

    It's worth noting that these benefits seem to emerge in combination with assisted therapy, which works to create an objective for why the individual wishes to consume psilocybin, what to expect during the trip and how to incorporate the experience into everyday life. As such, these benefits should be viewed in the context of this medically assisted therapy. Consuming psilocybin mushrooms recreationally at home will likely not produce such benefits. Though benefits have been reported recreationally, an individual should consume this substance responsibly and follow established guidelines on safety, set and setting. It seems psilocybin can be a powerful medicine, but it must be used in the correct context and right intention to gain benefits. Be aware of the laws of your area, and follow harm reduction guidelines should you wish to continue.

                                                            Pharmacology

   

 Upon entering the body, the prodrug psilocybin is rapidly converted to the unstable psilocin via dephosphorylation initiated by alkaline phosphatase and non-specific esterase in the intestinal mucosa. Psilocin has the capacity to cross the blood-brain barrier and bind nonspecifically to serotonin receptors. 

    Psychedelic experiences via tryptamine alkaloids, including psilocin, are thought to be mediated via agonism of the 5-HT2a/c and 5-HT1a receptors, with the 5-HT2a receptors believed to be involved with the generation of hallucinogenic experiences induced via psychedelic hallucinogens.

                                                            Conclusion

                                                    

    This was merely a brief, and not at all just overview of a fascinating molecule within a family of equally intriguing substances. I plan to cover the phenomenology of psilocybin's effects, as well as the effects of, and analysis of other hallucinogenic substances. While the molecule itself is fascinating, the internal experiences generated via these substances are nothing short of incredible, and I plan to explore more about this topic in detail.

    Finally, this post is not an encouragement to consume psilocybin, or any other substances. This post is merely for educational and entertainment purposes only. Follow your states laws and do your research should you wish to consume any substance.

Meshuggah's "Catch 33": An Absurdist Account on the Equilibrium of Contradiction

Meshuggah, a metal band known for consistently delivering lyrical themes with strong existential implications, is well known for their mind-screw presentation of said lyrics. Undertaking the task of understanding their lyrics is not for the faint of heart, as such lyrics contain great symbolic structure and an abstract theme that can be difficult to relate back to the aspect of reality of which it references. Be that as it may, a goldmine awaits for those who take the time to undergo this transaction, as a profound message inevitably awaits the metal fan who chooses to look profoundly past the surface level contradictions and undergo the journey of exploring Meshuggah's archetypal narratives.

Within the discography of Meshuggah, no piece captures the contradictory nature of their lyrics more than the concept album "Catch Thirtythree", an album which focuses on the nature of contradiction itself. In highlighting our first contradiction, drummer and lyrical writer Tomas Haake confirmed this theme, preventing fans from needing to explore Catch Thirtythree's narrative. That being said, the chaotic absurdism presented by these lyrics hides our second contradiction; a consistent narrative, for not only does the protagonist of this album experience a consistent narrative (which itself is a contradiction in respect to the theme) but that said contradictions can be resolved via the theme. Indeed, contradiction itself is a form of paradox which, though self-contradictory, leads to a unity of opposite, producing an interconnected whole. Hence, the purpose of this essay. First, we shall examine the lyrical theme to reveal the message contained within this apparent absurdism; second, we shall investigate the proponents of dualistic monism as a proponent theory to the nature of metaphysics; finally, we shall demonstrate how the paradoxical nature of the protagonists predicament can be reconciled under a monistic whole.

                                                        Part 1: The Unresolved-Resolution

Let us begin with our lyrical analysis. Throughout the album, our narrative is composed in the format of a single song, divided amongst a variety of subsections along the protagonist's journey. I will conduct this analysis through demonstrating the apparent conclusion of each section's message, as well as analyzing contradictions important in the central theme of the narrative. As the majority of lyrics within this piece are contradictions, I will only analyse the contradictions which are of particular salience for understanding the album's message. With this clarified, let us begin.
                                                        Catch Thirtythree

The album name itself demonstrates the nature of its message with a literary allusion title. The titular Catch Thirtythree is a play on the commonly uttered "catch 22" which alludes to a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent circumstances. Keep the notion of conflict in mind, as it is of particular relevance to how our narrator attempts to resolve the paradox of his situation. Furthermore, the nature of the cover art provides an important conclusion through its symbolism. In it, we see two serpents, independent, yet intertwined in a two-by-one nature, much reminiscent of the characteristic yin-yang dichotomy presented from the east. However, below these two, we see a third serpent, itself the same species as the other two, yet alone in its interaction. This art demonstrates beautifully how "a picture is worth a thousand words" as this artistic piece shows the entirety of our narrator's journey, from his conflict to his conclusion. Bare this in mind as we continue.

                                                        Autonomy Lost

Reaching for the inner bright, the very essence-sun of my dreaming bliss Guided by a fear blinded outside all shades of the perfect black

The journey of our narrator begins with his desire to reach a positive aspect of himself. Presumably, a life free of discomfort and suffering. This leads to his first paradox, as it is precisely his fear of not obtaining happiness that misguides him and blinds him to the paradoxical effort he is undergoing. In an attempt to obtain bliss as a means of avoiding misery, the existence of his fear will never truly allow him to enter his “inner essence-sun”, for he is so afraid of not obtaining his happiness that this is precisely the mechanism that will never allow him to be happy. Thus, the pursuit of happiness is paradoxical, for pursuing happiness will not permit the sufferer to be content, as they will never know happiness if one must be dependent on it.                                                         Inprint of the Un-Saved

The scattered jigsaw of my redemption laid out before my eyes. Each piece as amorphous as the other - Each piece in its lack of shape a lie

In his inability to liberate himself from his suffering, the protagonist looks for clues as to how to escape his misery. Problematically, this searching begins to entrap him further into his own paradoxical cycle. All techniques, or “pieces” are simply compulsions that lead to false comfort and reinforce suffering. Hence, the lie by which this “jigsaw” promises to liberate him with its completion. As paradoxical effort leads simply to false comfort, the solution is never permanent, leading to an infinite, amorphous cycle of false liberation.

                                                        Disenchantment

Me - The paragon of fear, an immobile skein of tangled nerves exposed Hastily clawing my way into the darkest of my inner scenes of torture

I stay my breath to escape this slavery I stay my breath to reawake and face it encore The struggle to free myself of restraints becomes my very shackles

The protagonist has officially entered the paradoxical realm. In his quest to eradicate himself of discomfort, he has come to see his fear as an enemy to be eradicated. Of course, the negative outlook of one’s fear does not lead to its eradication, but only serves to reinforce the fear within oneself. In the desire to liberate himself of dysphoria, his only success was in learning to become afraid of his own fear, further amplifying its grip and driving him deeper into a negative feedback loop driven by the very desire to escape. The final line of this passage not only summarizes this stanza, but the sum-total of Catch Thirtythree itself. In attempting to be free of negativity, one is merely reinforcing the state of negativity, paradoxically trapping one in the undesired state through the very desire to be liberated.

                                                        The Paradoxical Spiral

Non-physical smothering. Asphyxiation by oxygen hands. Drowning in the endless sky. An ever downward dive, only to surface. The sewage of indecision, on which all sense of self is afloat. The vortex-acceleration a constant. Resolute in purpose its choking flow.

The protagonist is now at the mercy of his anxiety. This passage reflects his inability to breathe within his self-contained prison. Viewing his liberation as “oxygen”, he is strangled by the image of euphoria that eludes him further and further. The “sky” with which he can never reach contains bare minimal moments of liberation, in which allowing himself to sink and drown in fear is the very thing that leads to its desensitization. These moments, ignored by the protagonist, lead to the “sewage” of non-acting, as the act of doing nothing is precisely what will liberate him from his absurdist hell. However, these thoughts, images and feelings that he experiences within himself contradict his self-image, and lead him to continue and try to push away his internal states that he refuses to allow expression. As such, he continues to “choke” in the ever-present “stagnant” flow of his anxiety, continuously trapped in his stagnant, ever-flowing spiral of madness.

                                                        Re-Inanimate

My ignorance cast in the mold of all things absolute. I sustain forever my gaze. A stare fixed on the distant oblivion. Resting in the inverted state of being dead, non-sensory matter As all the earth, the wind, the fire, the sea behold and learn to pity me

While our narrator had previously stated that he would “face” his anxiety, he is doing so in an attempt to neutralize its grip, not to accept it as an experience to be tolerated. His ignorance of its resolution leads him to continue to avoid its presence through his refusal to acknowledge it. Metaphorically, he uses the paradox of being “dead, non sensory matter.” While he himself is a “stein of tangled nerves exposed”, the material components of his organism themselves are not alive, though in organizing in the [formal cause] of himself, they adhere to the generation of his organic functions. This is the paradox of life. Metaphorically, he is explaining that in avoiding the anxiety, he is commiting a partial suicide through not integrating his internal messenger. As such, the [four elements] that intermerge to form his existence “learn to pity me”, for he continues to confine himself to his hellish feedback loop rather than simply accept the fact of negative experience.

                                                        Entrapment

Mutiny of self. Insurrection games convincingly performed. Incapacitated by physical thoughts acting out the will of tendon and bone. Have the bridges of insanity been crossed and forever retracted? Am I standing among a thousand selves? Is the multitude of laughter mine alone?

Our protagonist begins to see his self-denial. He begins to gain awareness that this paradoxical cycle is perpetuated by his lack of self-expression. Though he is beginning to enter the enlightened state of auto-acceptance, he still views his thoughts as being the source of the problem. As the cycle has continued, he has become so entrenched within his individual war that he sees no exit from his apparent madness. In this anxiety, he becomes aware of all the possibilities that may befall him within his thought-loop, yet admits that he may be the very source of his suffering through questioning if the “laughter” resulting from this paradoxical absurdity is merely his.

                                                        Mind's Mirrors

The feeding frenzy of my starving soul, gnawing voraciously at the bones, the exo-skeletal patchwork protecting my own reflection within; The twin-and-same engaged in the mirrored act of chewing away at the shell of my attacking self. The paradox unseen.

Treacherous this deceit to make no choice matter To have and yet lose yourself, until finally all reasons why are forgotten To live through one’s own shadow. Mute and blinded, is to really see Eclipse the golden mirror and the reflection is set free.

The narrator has finally discovered the central aspect of his dichotomy. Eating away at himself in an attempt to live an ideal existence, he becomes aware of who he truly is and what is occurring within his mind. Seeing his idealized image in contrast to his ever-present self, he himself attacks himself through being unable to achieve his desired image as well as not permitting his true nature to be expressed. This paradox of both trying to “be” himself and yet destroy himself leaves him to attack himself within a state of psychological autoimmunity. In realizing his treachery towards his authenticity, he concludes that in failing to introspect, one can naturally express themselves through their ignorance. To be unaware of oneself, “mute and blinded”, one can “see” themselves through the consequences of their actions, and thus live authentically. Hence, the narrator's solution is to eradicate his idealized state of liberation, and in accepting reality, “the reflection is set free.”

                                                        In Death -Is Life

So imminently visible - this cloaked innocent guilt Sentenced to a lifetime, a second of structured chaos Trampled by the ferocious, raging crowds of solitude I’m the soil beneath me soaking up the sustenance of my own death

Extradited to the gods of chance, the deities of all things random Alive, multicolored, twitching in their monochrome world

Through no fault of his own, the narrator acknowledges that he was randomly “selected” to suffer a chaotic state of mind, constantly structured within its apparently randomized pathology. Isolated within his burdened state, he contemplates about how he has been attempting to kill off aspects of his mind. However, he begins to succumb to his internal voices, these “gods of chance.” These gods represent not only the apparent randomness of his cycle, but aspects of the narrator's psyche that long for self-expression. Though these aspects of the narrator bring him anguish and suffering, he acknowledges the randomness of his mind still offers the chance of fulfillment for which he has so longed for. Thus, the narrator's thoughts may be bleak, but still contain “color” within his state of bleakness.

                                                        In Death - Is Death

Indescent to the searhing eyes, i’m all things vivid in a world of grey So easily spotted, so easily claimed in this domain where all is prey

My thoughts a radiant beacon to the omnidimensional hunter-god radar I’m a marklight of light to these subconscious carnivores I am them. I am teeth. I’m their arousal at the kill Feeding on self. A schizoreality warp. The contradiction fulfilled.

Focus the only means to see me back to life's unending swirl A reversal of passing away, as the world of dead, as away is now my origin

The protagonist begins by explaining how after this realization, he is the only answer that is obvious within a nebulous world of uncertainty. As a result of the predicament of not having answers, he is easily victimized by the anxiety via a need for certainty. His intrusive thoughts serve as the beacon which attracts this anxiety, continuously being devoured by the “carnivores.” Though he is the victim of their hunt, he is also them, as it is him who devours himself within this cyclical self-consumption. Trying to utilize the epiphany which had previously brought him comfort, he tries to escape his thoughts by focusing on external reality, back to the “away” reality which serves as the source of his origin.

                                                        Shed
I float through physical thoughts. I stare down the abyss of organic dreams All bets off I plunge - Only to find that self is shed

With time, the narrator has begun looking beyond himself and living in accordance with his previous doctrine “to live through one’s own shadow.” He no longer attempts to suppress aspects of his mind's expression, but rather learns to tolerate his discomfort of paradoxical self-expression. In so doing, he lets go of the desire to be in a different state of mind and simply accepts his self-drowning and permits the discomfort. In so doing, he sheds the objective of liberating himself to reach his “inner bright”, but embraces his state as it naturally is.

                                                        Personae Non Gratae

A lie to maintain equilibrium, to hold me in this dead realm - this last ever dream I’m the thought that never crossed my mind - disguised in the evident. Forever unredeemed

The narrator has learned to separate the false comfort that fuels his paradox from himself. He realizes that it is the search for abolishment from pain that caused his cycle to stick and fueled its return. In so doing, he now realizes he never thought of simply letting his internal state be, and that the nature of his paradox is that the desire to be liberated of pain only reinforces the pain that one suffers.

                                                        Dehuminization

A new level reached, where the absence of air lets me breathe I’m inverted electrical signals. A malfunctioning death-code incomplete All things before me, at first unliving glimpse undeciphered Its semantics rid of logic. Nothing is all. All is contradiction

Grinding, churning - the sweetest ever noises Decode me into their non-communication A soundtrack to my failure, one syllable, one vowel

A stagnant flow of endings. Un-time unbound. Merging to form the multi-none A sickly dance of matter, malignantly benign. Greeting the chasm - unbearable, sublime

In surviving through his dysfunctional state, the narrator finds order within his chaos. He accepts that he is simply death waiting to happen, and along the trajectory of life, many events will occur that do not make sense. He accepts the absurdity of existence, and learns that the acceptance of the discomfort with self-contradiction is what will allow him to be liberated from it. Thus, he accepts it within himself, and the permitting of anxiety allows him to live without being a victim of chronic fear. His further failure to achieve his “inner bright” was precisely his greatest victory, and he finds beauty in the “grinding, churning” of his thoughts. Forever being locked inside the lifelong journey of finding the end to suffering, he sees that all his epiphanies led him exactly to where he was; running a hundred kilometers an hour, yet never arriving anywhere. As such, he embraces the final conclusion of ceasing all effort, recognizing the beauty within himself and his life, including when he is inevitably subjected to unbearable pain.
                                                        Sum

Vision will blind. Severance ties. Medium am I. True are all lies.

The final conclusion of our protagonist. He embraces the paradox of existence and has found solace within it. Thus, his journey has come to an end.

                                                        Part 2:The Liminal-Destination

Let us take a brief moment from our analysis and explore the realm of metaphysics. In attempting to understand reality, philosophers have devised many potential theories as to the ultimate nature of reality. Though many potential schools of thought exist, two-central camps seem ever-present in metaphorical exploration; dualism: the proposal that reality is composed of two primary substances (usually matter and mind) and monism: the proposition of reality being of one fundamental nature. Various forms of monistic thought exist, including idealism (reality is mental and/or dependent on mind) and the currently popular materialism (reality is purely material). Ironically, the majority of humans think in a dualistic fashion (“i’m feeling fine, but my mind is slow today) and indeed, with the ubiquity of religious belief, it is a safe assumption to presume the majority of humans are dualist. There’s merely one problem: for centuries, dualists could never answer the question of how an abstract, incorporeal substance could interact with a concrete, material substance. This leads to my central proposal: opposites are joined at the hip. What we perceive to be two things possessing a different nature is merely two-different aspects of the same underlying phenomena. The only difference lies in the degree with which an aspect of that phenomenon is expressed. This notion, unfortunately unpopular, is known as dual-aspect monism, also known as dialectical monism. Let’s illustrate this theory with an example. If you are near one, examine the nearest exit near you. It may be the exit to your apartment, home, or whatever room you are in. Traditionally, an exit is seen as the opposite to an entrance, as exits permit one to leave their current vicinity. However, everything with an exit has an entrance. The two terms are not mutually exclusive. Rather, they depend on each other for the existence of the other. Furthermore, what is an exit or an entrance depends on the perspective of the viewer, for in exiting one room, you are entering another; and by entering another, you are exiting from your current position. Entrance and exit are not only dependent upon the other, they are two aspects of the exact same thing.

                                                        Part 3: The Articulate-Incongurence

Perhaps you are beginning to see how this ties in to Catch Thirtythree. But before delivering my concluding thought, let us examine the law of non-contradiction within philosophy. The law of noncontradiction states that it is impossible for a proposition to be A and not-A simultaneously. Something may only ever be itself, not true and false at the same time. As such, A cannot be B, and B cannot be A. But let’s look a little deeper. What are A and B exactly? Obviously, they are letters used to represent a proposition. But what is a letter? Aside from a unit of language used to formulate an utterance, it is merely a series of lines formed to a set, defined sequence when written. As A and B are both letters, they are both defined by the set sequence of lines with which they are composed. Furthermore, if you took A and rearranged the set sequence to a new set sequence, you would end up precisely with B. Such is the case for all reality, and hence, for our protagonist of Catch Thirtythree. Virtually every paradox included, interpreted literally and metaphorically, can be resolved under this paradigm. This is what our narrator has finally concluded. All of his contradictions were part of one encompassing thing; himself. The only perceived paradox was in the failure to integrate his various self-aspects to encompass one individuality. Had the narrator accepted his fear, he would have seen that he was already within his inner bright. For as Buddha said over two-thousand years ago, “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” As a sufferer of OCD, I can affirm that millions of people are suffering through the same cycle. The attempt to run from yourself only leads to the reinforcement that one has something to run from. But as our thoughts are not controlled by us, attempting to rigidly dictate our mental content only serves to reinforce our anxieties. However, submission to our state of being permits its expression, and in so doing, processes what needs to be felt. Our narrator has learned this fundamental lesson, and this is the central method of Catch Thirtythree. Let’s not treat the absurdity of life’s contradictions as an enemy to be defeated, but as a friend to be embraced. Recognize that your inner-bright is your reality all along, and you will avoid the cycle of suffering.

“The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” -Albert Camus